Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think my fart just growled at me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
