rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
