All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
