ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
