he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
