If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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