How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
