No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
