She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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