You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
