Pappa wants mamma naked
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
