hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
