The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
