I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
