Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
