It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
