I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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