I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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