I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
