Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
