I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
