He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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