This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
