Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Panties = found
Randomize
