please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
