Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
