The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
