words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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