i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
