Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
