you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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