Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
