Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
