i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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