I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
