So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
