Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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