one might say we're banned from that church
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
