Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
