Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
