Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
