"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
