your room smells of hookers.
And success
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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