I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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