Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
