college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
