God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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