Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
