He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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