Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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