can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
